This post is about two weeks late, but better late than never. (I recall my high school English teacher saying that often. I'm guessing she was one that took her time getting places.)
At the beginning of the year I stood on top of a mountain (in my head) and proclaimed to dedicate a word to each month. My purpose for "word of the month" was to study and meditate on a word then find ways to apply it to my life. This was all inspired by article I read in P31 Ministries in January.
Last month my word was discipline. Half way through the month I took a moment out of the all the busyness and thought, "Wow, I haven't reflected on what discipline means in what seems like.. forever!" Then I took another breather and realized, I haven't reflected on it because I was too busy acting on it. Which is absolutely fantastic!
For the past two years I've been piddling with the idea of going back to school but always feared it. The first reason why I shoved it to the side was because in order to get back in school I had to go through this annoying process to get Finical Aid restrictions lifted. (Long story short, in my prior years of college, I messed up BIG TIME.) Finally, I decided to be a grown up and start the process. I set up an appointment with a advisor and started on the explanation paper for the Finical Aid office. I worked on the paper for a week, had a couple friends proof read it and cleaned it up with editing to finish. The day had come for the appointment and I was ready.
When I went to turn in the paper a lovely lady that obviously did not want to deal with anyone that day explained the Finical Aid restriction process to me. I already knew I had to fill out a sheet checking off the prior quarters I missed and give an explanation. I could tell she was not one to be interrupted though, by the way her eyes widen behind the circle frame glasses and how harsh her voice pin pointed each step so precisely. I let her finish and the presented the paper to her. Her left eye brow raised and the boring everyday routine look on her face formed into a intrigued one. She started reading the first line of my paper and finished it with a smile. I asked her what the next step was, she replied, "The committee will review your explanation and then send you a letter saying if you are approved, or not in three to four weeks." The way she pronounced approved so light heartedly emphasising the "pproved" gave me an extraordinary amount of hope. After saying thank you and turning to walk away, I had a hint that it wasn't just the woman speaking encouraging words across the counter, it was God.
With only a week and a half passing I received a letter in the mail saying I was APPROVED to go back to school!!! A mix of emotions over took me, I was excited right off the bat but quickly fear settled in. My mind began to soak up various lies that said, "This is a big commitment. Can you actually do this? You failed once, you'll fail again." like a sponge. By the end of the night my thoughts were so saturated with the muck I almost turned from the idea of school again. Luckily, my boyfriend speaks truth at just the right times and luckily we have goodnight phone calls.
Before our good nights and drifting off to dream land I told him the good news. He was excited, "I'm so proud of you! See Babe! When you.." "But I don't know! I can't do it. I'm not ready, this is a big deal." I blurted out, interrupting him. "Sarah! Shut up and let me finish. You've already proved to yourself you can do it. Every single time you put your mind to something you succeed." He finished.
I had to sit in silence for a second to take it all in. He was right, but for some reason I'd never noticed it before that moment. With discipline being my focus for that month not only did I get back into school but several other goals I'd been striving to meet had been met. Now, I'm not trying to be all self righteous here and gallop threw the dark forest on a white stallion all alone. No, this is not the case. God, put discipline on my heart for that month and with Him I was able to focus and accomplish the things that were once impossible.
There was one night, toward the end of January I was trying to sleep but my mind was running. I buckled down trying to calm my thoughts and repeated a short prayer in my head. It was, "God, lets achieve the impossible."
Thank you Lord.