Thursday, October 18, 2012

The first time I felt God

It was 2nd grade, Mrs. Robinson’s class. I have no idea what subject she was teaching, what we were talking about or why. But, a question she asked that afternoon was a moment I remember like it was yesterday. She asked the class, “Who wants to go to college?” The entire class raised their hands, all except for one person, me. I suddenly went into a trance and the most beautiful picture came to mind. It was a little white house, with a gorgeous fence and perfect sunny weather. My heart grew warm and I felt school wasn't for me. I was meant for something more important, a different kind of life. I wanted to work from home and be a mom. I was overwhelmed with comfort and peace in that moment and clearly remember having the thought, “God is going to take care of me.” Now, what was most odd about that moment was, I didn't grow up in a christian home. We went to church on the holidays but I didn't really know who God was or what Jesus did for us.

Throughout life I've had many dreams and goals. I've tried everything from modeling to running my own online store and yes, school. For a long time I felt like a failure in the world. I recently realized I didn't fail my dreams, my heart just kept changing. It’s changing for the better too. My online boutique I had, want to know why it stopped? I gave it up because it was an idol and wanted to be closer with God. That screams success to me. I'm very thankful I've been blessed to try so many different things and the learning experiences that came with them. God is getting me closer and closer to what He wants for my life. I'm now off for the next big adventure and am very excited about what God will bring to me through it.

In that moment on my 2nd grade afternoon. I feel like that was God laying down what was most important to my heart that day. Showing me my true desires. I didn't know it then, but looking back that’s exactly what it was. To this day I can tell you, college is not for me. Yes, I may have a bit of a difficult time in the world without it. But in my eyes that’s just more room for God to do His work, to love and bless His beloved princess. Still to this day all I want to do is work from home, raise the children and have dinner on the table in the evening. I believe God will bless me with that.

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