Controlling love is not love.

While I was wasting away my morning on facebook today I came across a picture of an ex boyfriend. Anger instantly stirred inside me.

He was so horrible to me! He controlled everything I did! I couldn't go out with my friends, I couldn't even buy TOMS shoes. Are you kidding me? Why? Why did what shoes I wore have to be such a big decision? I felt like I was in a tiny box suffocating and the only thing that kept me alive was the fact that I had to feed my cat in the morning.

He was always saying he didn't want other boys looking/talking to me. Cool, fine, I get it. But little did I know at the time it was just his insecurities surfacing. By the end of the relationship I found that he was constantly cheating on me, constantly looking at porn and tried to control me so I wouldn't see his faults. He wanted my heart but had so much turmoil in his that he didn't know how to love. 

That life is like a snuggie wrapped in barbed wire. You can't move, you see this nice warm fleece with arms laying on top of you but underneath, it's ripping you apart. You are trying to get comfortable and want to rest and enjoy it while you read a book on the couch but all you're really feeling is pain. Controlling love, is not real love. Recognize this please, before things get too far down the road. Also know that, there is no way to change it. You cannot and will not ever change a person. You don't have the power to, only God does. Which you should leave it up to Him anyways because I can guarantee you that He's a lot better at it anyways.

After accepting Christ in my life, I told God I forgive him for all the hurt he put me through. I told God, this boy has a good heart and to dig it out. I asked God to reveal himself to my ex and let him see real love, love that has freedom and is unconditional.

About nine months ago (after more than two years past of our relationship ending) I received an email from my ex. He said sorry for all the wrong he had done to my heart as well as thank you for showing him what real love should be like. Praise Him.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protect, always trust always preservers. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

Amen.

If you are dealing with anything like this and are having a heavy heart I'd be more than happy to listen and talk. Contact me!:)
Sarahlucille.howard@gmail.com