I'd like to tell a short story first. The other night I had a dream ( if you don't know me, I'm all about a deeper meaning and awesome hippie stuff like that), that I couldn't walk. I was laying on a kitchen floor paralyzed and I was crying out someones name. I could see him in the other room, playing cards with his friends. Looking around trying to find out where his name was coming from. There I lay on the floor still crying for help. Finally, he went into the kitchen to see what was going on. He couldn't help me, so he laid down next to me to comfort me. Eventually we were giggling and telling jokes but, we both laid and never got up.
I woke up in a cold sweat. (thankfully not actually paralyzed) Instantly started praying. "God, what was that? what does it mean? what's going on? Please speak to me! I don't know what to do!" You know what God did? The crafty man His is. He put in my head, a choir of children singing one of the first songs I'd been taught. Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me.
The dream has everything to do with things going on in my life. I can't look to someone else to fix my problems, I must look to God. Like I said yesterday, I don't believe God loves me or has time for me. Which actually, just within 24 hours my heart has been changing tremendously and seeing that He truly does. He does so much that He took the most precious thing from me in order for me to focus on Him. This is the hardest thing I've done in my life, but I know in the end it will be worth it.
"God never gives up no matter how painful it may be." - Phil Shomo
First I'd like to thank you. Thank you for the lovely fire and tea time I had with a wonderful woman. She's amazing, her heart for you is unlike any I've seen. I'm blessed that you have placed her in my life and that we click so well. Thank you for the community in my home and work. I know for a fact that this was all apart of your plan. Thank you for blessing me with an environment that can hold me up in You when I'm down. It's amazing what people can do through You when we all come together. I ask that you continue to grow these relationships and continue to help us grow in our faith.
Lord, You are the king of kings. Lord you are my king. My authority, my savior, my energy and love. You are at my door and I'm opening it. Please light up my life. Thank you. Thank you for watching me throughout my life and relieving yourself. Thank you for saving me from sin, You took so many burdens from me when You helped me fix my eyes on you. Thank you Father. I love you for that. Thank you for loving my story and wanting to be apart of it!
Father, thank you for this morning. Because, this morning for the first time in months I felt beautiful. And it was only because Your joy was bursting out of my heart. God I want to give you my life. I want to promise You that I will do my best to live out the plan You have for me. God, I will do my best to be obedient, no matter how hard it may be. I promise, I will always get back up after a fall and walk toward you. I will do my best to keep my heart filled with Yours. I will do my best to come to You with all problems first. I will do my best to love you and love Your people. I will do my best to be loved.
God, as You already know I'm going to fail, only You are perfect. But through failure I will learn. Then be able to teach others and help them with hardship.
I pray for you to keep stretching my mind and helping me change. Change for You.
In Jesus name,