Intro; I've been reading Psalms a lot, which I enjoy. I've been feeling led to put my own prayer life out there mostly because when we see people we only see their good side. Then tend to compare our bad side to their good, which is a extremely painful thing to put yourself through. Trust me, I've done it a lot lately. It doesn't end up good. It's always nice to remember we're all human and that we are not alone with thoughts and feelings in this huge world. So here are a little bit of mine.
But before I start, (you can call this part intro2 if you like, or just completely ignore these parentheses) I started a ten week series that talks about letting God change you. Which I slightly will be going off of in each prayer. See, I've come to a point where I truly want to change my thought process and become stronger in God. I have no choice really. So hopefully this will help. And hopefully I'll be able to stick to it. I often get lazy, or scared and stop doing whatever I'm trying to achieve. Hmm, so with that being said how about this little ten day deal be the first thing I actually stick to. No matter how hard it may get to share. Okay, now I'm terrified.
I need you to hear me now. When it comes down to the wire, I do not trust You. and I do not live in Your love. I admit, I've been seeking others for love and to be filled, forgive me Father. Because You are the only one that can fill my heart. Please forgive me as my human brain has been searching the past, been self seeking and been analyzing my behavior to change. When all I had to do was admit these things to you and give you that tiny mustard seed I've been holding captive. Please God, forgive me. I admit, I have matters of the heart that need healed. Father, You know my heart and the wounds behind it. Please open those scars and heal my soul to new.
Help me live in the fact that the past is the past, not my definition. Just go ahead, hit me in the face with the fact that I'm not a sum of the bad things that have happened in my life. Lord, I have been born again in You and should walk in a new light. But I don't. I carry the weight of my past. It's like a chain on my ankles that's slowing me down as I try to walk up a mountain, I speed up and fall back, over and over and over. When really, it's not even there. You're actually carrying me. Why do i feel like this? Teach me how to walk beside You, to see the glory without looking behind.
God. You. love. me. You love me and have time for me. Help me live in that. Help me soak it in. God, I ask that You pour Your love into my heart and let it be pumped through my veins so that Your love God is the only thing I live off.
Father I ask that this pain is not my occupation. That Your glory is. I am Your daughter and I know You have great things for me. But help me live in it. I admitting Father, that I need to change. I know you want to change me, to shape me in to the woman You have planned. I'm turning to you God and trusting. I bring these things to You that I have been hiding. Take them away and transform me into who you need me to be.
I'm excited for our journey.