Long story short, I use to run a online vintage ladies boutique. Cool right? It was fun. I spent about 4 years on and off trying my hardest to make this dream happen. I invested A LOT in inventory, set up photo shoots, found models, got to know the women at the post office due to always shipping items, ran a blog, became a graphic designer, photographer, accountant, you name it, I did it. It was my dream and all I did was eat, sleep and breath vintage.
Then I met Jesus. He won. I let the shop go due to it being a idol in my life. I was chasing to be a well know lady in this under ground world of vintage blogs/shops. I wanted more. I wanted, purpose. I was tired of fighting for a cheap and unsatisfying identity.
It's only been six short and very sweet months since I shut down the shop and I just found myself on one of my favorite vintage sites then thought, "Wow. I'm so happy I don't do this anymore."
When I was in second grade I recall thinking, "God has the perfect boy for me and he's going to love me very much! I want help people when I grow up and love them! And I'm going to have a little house with a fence! Best of all I get to be a mommy!" This is not a lie. I remember it just like it was yesterday. This thought took place during math in Mrs. Robinson's class as I doodled on my work sheet. Then received a "yellow card" for coloring.
Some where between second grade and about six months ago, I forgot about that moment. I lost track of myself and my heart. Thankfully God didn't. He's always been there, all along.
This past summer is when I started to see a change. I came to a point in my life where I didn't know what I was doing and had to give up everything in order to follow His path. I was a renewed daughter and needed Him to guide me. I broke up with my boyfriend, shut down the shop, moved into a new home with new people. And He started to work, quickly. This was a very hard time in life but what made it easier was keeping my eyes focused on Him.
A few days ago I read a quote that said something like, "When you take God into your life you have to let go of all you future plans so His plans will have room to take growth." Okay that wasn't it word for word but, close enough.
Anyways, let me get to my point. Most of my life I've been chasing the pressures of the world. Things like money, being well known or whatever else it may be. But once I was able to let it go, erased the goal sheet, tore up my to-do list. HE. DID. WORK. He freed my heart.
What's most beautiful about it is, my child heart has come back to me. I cannot even put into words for you how extraordinary it feels. The boyfriend and I got back together and have the most amazing relationship I can imagine. I know where I need to take my life and how I want to help people. I recently had health issues but just last week found out everything is fine and yes, will be able to one day be a mommy.
My heart is at peace, I can breath and I'm not worried. I am not the person I was six months ago losing sleep over how I was going to make it. It's freaking great.